Maybe it’s time

I think maybe a quarantine Mother’s Day is exactly what I need this year.

My kids slept over with their cousins (bless it!), and for these glorious hours, I gave myself my favorite gift.

The gift of single-tasking.

Of doing just one thing at a time.

I know that when I listen closely, my body tells me what it needs.

So does my soul.

And so I listen.

Read. Learn. Eat. Create. Rest. Worship.

This is exactly what I need.

In these rare moments of focused attention, I realize something crazy.

I realize that maybe it’s time…

Maybe it’s time to let myself feel seen.

Seen by the dear ones who text and send me cards in the mail (have I mentioned that snail mail is my love language?) and feed me and literally show up on my doorstep.

Seen by the church that has loved me and my kids well through the hardest year of our lives.

Seen by a God who is near to the broken-hearted and also turns our mourning into dancing.

I think I’ve been afraid.

Afraid to let myself feel seen on this day.

Afraid that it would take away from the loss that haunts the edges… the loss held by dear ones, by own babies, by myself.

But maybe it’s time, friends.

Maybe it’s time to step into the role, the calling, of motherhood in all its glorious messiness.

Maybe it’s time not just to acknowledge the hurt, but also to open ourselves to the Healer.

And so…

Today I am going to let myself feel what I feel.

I’m going to let myself be ok– and not even a little sad– with the little one snuggled on my lap and the bigger one whirling around the kitchen– smiling easily, in her glory.

I am going to embrace the affirmation of a Father whispering quietly to my heart in these moments of single-tasking, the affirmation of dear ones who get it because they’ve lived beside me through the good and the bad, the affirmation of babies who love other mamas but who choose to love me too.

Listen to your soul, friend… because maybe, just maybe, it’s time for you too.

2 thoughts on “Maybe it’s time

  1. TZ

    Thank you so much for this blog. I am a single woman and Christian considering foster adoption and am grateful to continue reading your story.

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