I’m running about a week behind with life right now.
Which, considering the ridiculous expectations I put on myself is not too bad. (Can I get an amen?)
In any case, love has been the theme of the week.
Everywhere… in church, on the radio, in the books that I’m reading. It’s all about love.
Relentless, pursuing love.
These words have been knocking around in my head
How can I be lost when you have called me found?
And they take me back in a second to the time Jesus gave me an ultimatum.
I was young and had grown up in church.
I’d heard the truth all my life, felt it for myself once upon a time and made a little girl’s confession of faith.
And then came my angsty adolescence.
And the disillusioning reality that church was made up of messy, broken people who didn’t always have the best of intentions.
I felt hurt. And mad.
And I spent almost a whole year locked in my bedroom, scribbling furiously in journals that I probably should burn.
I wasn’t running from God in any outward way.
But there, locked in my anger and isolation, I wanted to make life all about me.
All about how mad I was. How betrayed I felt.
And Jesus gave me space to be mad (and so, bless them, did my parents– so sorry about that, guys. So sorry!).
Until one day, right there in my locked bedroom, Jesus spoke as clearly as I’ve ever heard anything.
Enough. Choose me or walk away.
Right here. Right now.
Knees on the ground, head in my hands, the answer came without hesitation.
Lord, where else would I go? You have the words of eternal life. I believe and know that you are the Holy One of God. (John 6:68-69)
Friends, I was never lost to the God of the universe. All the while through my angst and isolation, he was pursuing me, loving me.
All the while since I was formed in my mama’s body. All the while since I made a little girl’s confession of faith, he was pursuing me, loving me.
All the while since, through the soaring joys and the crushing defeats, through the moments of clarity and the fog of not-so-sure, through one hundred thousand ordinary, unremarkable moments, he’s been pursuing me, loving me.
And you too, dear one.
You have never been lost to the God of the universe. You have not run too far. You have not fallen too hard. You have not hidden too well.
Tonight and always, dear one, he is pursuing you.
Tonight and always, dear one, he is loving you.