When grace is in the receiving

Today we meet Jesus in the synagogue where he’s teaching with authority and casting out evil spirits. (Mark 1:21-28)

His disciples are amazed.

Amazed at this man who teaches with power, who calls out his enemy and sends him away.

And we are challenged.

When is the last time we’ve stood amazed at this Jesus?

I have stood amazed, no doubt.

The night when words I’d heard hundreds of times before flashed hot and bright behind my eyelids, fluttering in my little girl heart because I got it.

The day when Jesus yanked me out of my adolescent angst with an ultimatum to which the only response was where else could I go?  You alone have the words of eternal life.

The time I prayed for a daughter and everyone told me it never happens like that.  Except that it did.

And when I pleaded with Jesus to be done with foster care and his answer, one thing, brought a Little One who is one of the greatest joys of my life.

The times I’ve watched Love win—in my home.  In my classroom.  In court.

And plenty more.

I figure I’m good.

And so through the closing song, I wrestle with another thought that thumps and throbs.

Maybe I’ll write about it soon.

And then church is over.

And I’m gathering my coat when Jesus shows up in the chair next to me wearing the skin of someone I barely know.

Words of kindness and affirmation tumble over me, then a tangible gift of grace offered freely.

Too much.

Too much from someone I barely know.

But the answer is yes and thank you.

I know this too.

Because the Jesus who speaks with authority is here.  Heavy in these words that I want to shrug away but cannot.  In this freely offered gift of too much.

And so I leave church today standing amazed.

Taken aback again by the extravagant love of One who knows that sometimes

Grace is in the receiving.

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Losing Season

My big girl had her last basketball game today.

It was a great season.

She met new friends and loved getting to know them.

She had two fantastic coaches who got to know her as a person and helped her develop good skills for basketball and life.

She ran around a lot, made a lot of good passes, scored a fair number of points.

And her team lost almost every game.

It was, by the numbers, a losing season.

My big girl is competitive like her mama.

We don’t like to try things if we think we can’t master them.

We are still working on losing gracefully.

***

It’s been a rough school year for me.

If I rated each day as a win or a loss, it would, without a doubt, be a losing season for me too.

Can I be honest for a second?

I hate this.

It’s easy for me to tell my big girl that basketball is not that serious.

That I love her just the same when her team wins and when they lose.

And still I hate to lose.

I struggle not to let my self-worth get tangled up with what feels like a spectacularly terrible performance.

Friend, if you too are in a losing season, here’s what I want you to know.

What I want my sweet big girl to know.

What I want to know, deep in my bones.

Your performance does not impact your worth.

What you do is not who you are.

You are loved.  Deeply, passionately loved.

If you are winning at basketball, at teaching, at Christian-ing, at life, you are loved.

If you are putting up a spectacularly terrible performance, you are loved.

Settle down into your true identity, Loved One.

Slip into it like a pair of comfy pajamas.

Wrap it around you like a suit of armor if you must.

And then get back out there—you’ve got a game to finish.