Do you like it?

Little One has come and gone again from our home since I’ve written last.

Amidst a whirlwind of frantic phone calls, sick social workers, misplaced information and procedural demands, I held a miracle.

It did my heart good to hold him, even though I knew it was most likely only for a short time.

I know you’ll think I’m crazy, but I swear he smiled twice when I started to sing about His love.

Twice.  People, I’m telling you he did this on two separate occasions.

In any case, while we were out and about this weekend, I ran into an acquaintance.

So, you’re fostering again?

Yes.

Do you like it?

In retrospect, this seems like kind of a strange question to ask.

In the moment, the answer came so quickly that it took me aback.

No.  I heard myself say.  No, I don’t.

It’s true.

I don’t like any of the reasons that children come into foster care.

I don’t like that it’s the little people who are caught in the crossfire.

I don’t like knowing nothing.

I don’t like wondering whether I should buy more formula, more diapers.

I don’t like waiting hours, days for a return phone call when I am expected to respond to requests immediately.

I don’t like feeling like somebody’s job.  A case.  A resource.

I don’t like having to drop everything to comply with absurd demands.  I teach kindergarten, for goodness’ sake.  I cannot just tell the five year old to watch themselves for an hour.

I don’t like wondering if all will be well after we say goodbye.

I don’t like having my heart torn out and stomped on.  Again.  And again.

I (really, really, really) don’t like that my daughter cried herself to sleep last night because of the choices that I am making for our family.

I don’t like any of it.  Truthfully, it sucks.

And yet.

When I get the call asking if Little One can come stay for a few days, the answer comes so quickly, so confidently.  Without hesitation, without reservation.

Yes.  Yes, of course.

This is why I do it, friends.

I do it for this one.

This one.

I do it for the miracles.

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6 thoughts on “Do you like it?

    • Shannon

      Thank you. Despite all the craziness, it was such a treat. It’s almost like knowing the “not-ness” without him made every moment with him so, so sweet.

  1. ruthie050573

    I say this all the time! I hate foster care, but it is a love-hate relationship. I hate the fallenness of little ones in the system, I hate the reasons they are not with a mama and daddy; yet, I love the children deeply. Really, it’s Jesus in us. His heart for “the least of these”…because why in the world would any sane person follow this calling? It is because of Him and His grace and mercy that we do this. In His perfect plan, these wee ones were not designed to be disregarded and placed in a system. In His perfect plan, mamas and daddies would not sin. This side of Heaven, we are the light in the darkness. And sometimes it’s so dark I can barely see His hand on mine. Wow, I just wrote a whole blog post here! 😉 Much love to you.

  2. Sarah

    I got to hold my then-respite babies three times after I thought it was hopeless, and after a week of emotional “we’re placing them with you”/”we’re not placing them with you” I’m grateful to say they with me right now. It is a miracle and a gift. I’m glad you got to hold your Little One again.

    I don’t like so many things. But it terrifies me to think of where my clever, smart, funny extroverted little babies would be if I hadn’t gotten involved.

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